these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
