Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Two words: nipple clamps
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