The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Found the puke drawer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
