grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
