seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
