you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
