I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
