I wish I could teleport
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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