But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
