Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
