I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
