I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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