Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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