Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
All the doctor said was why
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Someone signed my nipple.
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