Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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