exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
