I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i need some magic done to my vagina
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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