rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
