Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
