First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
