I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
