Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize