Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
