his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
