Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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