my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize