Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize