Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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