I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
