I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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