one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
