If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
