lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
