ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
