No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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