He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sorry my hands just texted you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
