he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
