you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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