the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize