How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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