Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize