is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
