I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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