where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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