Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
