this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
