This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
