Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
