forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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