the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
