Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
