you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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