I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
