Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize