he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
