just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
