i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
