Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
