it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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