I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
