how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
