I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
