why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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