his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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