I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
