Dual....:-)
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
