they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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