Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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