ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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