So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Boobs are out for the taking
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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