If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
